Thank God for the snowfall. It's a soft, thick layer of permitted excuses and polite reasons to decline social events. I'm not anti-social; I'm just anti-people. Everyone knows that at least 70 per cent of people are idiots, and that's a conservative estimate.
I spend parties avoiding vultures feasting at the carcass of interesting, trying to to tell you about some "bloody mental" driving experience or other, as if I care about litres. As a rule, any story about litres is going to make me hate you. My washing machine has 10 litres and can spin at a million RPM, probably.
But once it snows, I can justifiably say: "I'm afraid I'm unable to travel half a mile of well-lit city terrain to attend the meet-up." It's my cue to free my mind of the shackles of consumerism, capitalism and distractions, as I can legitimately stay under my duvet and watch all the Sky channels with my housemates.
It was a glorious two days. We were snowed in by literally millimeters of the icy white stuff, and the tea and opinions on current events flowed freely. It was like Davos under a duvet, and here is what we decided:
Europe is too complicated. None of us really understood the "Should we stay or should we go?" question. And it isn't even confirmed yet that we'll all have to take this short and odd exam, and even if it turns out we do, it'll be ages away. For us, there was only one real question: if we leave the EU, will skiing become more expensive?
One of my housemates then came out with this dubious statement. He believes we should simply "tell them all to sling it, and stand on our own two feet again". I've never really understood this philosophy. He tried to say that the other EU countries drag us down and we'll end up bailing them all out, but I really think we'd be missing a trick if we were to come out. What about when it's our turn to fail? I want German efficiency behind that safety net.
But I do have one caveat. If staying in the EU means an overhaul of the UK's road gritting system and other vast improvements to our infrastructure, then I will not be investing and am very much out - you're fired, EU. Snow is brilliant. It's "Get Out Of Jail Free", "Bank Error in Your Favour" and "Community Chest" all in one. If snow days are a UK failing, let's build on our existing failings and fail to prepare for more things.